


Panacea for a Tristesse

by chickwen



Series: Plunge [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:33:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28452429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chickwen/pseuds/chickwen
Summary: sometimes tobio finds tooru in unknown places
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Series: Plunge [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108562
Comments: 7
Kudos: 53





	Panacea for a Tristesse

**Author's Note:**

> i was sitting on his for a while (about a four months i think) and decided to edit it; it's short but i just feel like posting one shots lately. unfortunately, i can't run this through a grammar checker atm but i still think this is a nice note to end the year on <3

Tobio opened his eyes and stared at the cooling bed sheet. He wrinkled his nose and turned his head into the pillow, muffling his yawn. With slow movements, he climbed out of bed and shuffled out of the bedroom. The kitchen light bit through his pupils and he rubbed his face tiredly.

He found Tooru in the kitchen, sitting on the floor staring off into space.

Sometimes this happened. Tobio came home or left the shower and found Tooru with a distant look in his eyes. It scared him, knowing that Tooru mentally resided in a place unknown or too far out of Tobio’s reach. He tried his best to find him most times and occasionally resigned to letting Tooru wander his way back. Tonight seemed as if Tobio could touch him.

Once Tobio crossed over the tile, Tooru jolted as if yanked back to earth. His strong brows furrowed with his weak wince, “Ah, Tobio. Sorry, did I wake you?”

“I noticed you weren’t there,” Tobio idly pulled his sleeve down his forearm.

“Sorry,” Tooru parroted, eyes unfocused and focused again. “You should go back to sleep, you haven’t gone to bed at a normal time the entire month.”

Tobio threw the request off his back with a shrug, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Reflexive.

Tobio scrunched his nose and gestured for Tooru to scoot forward. He settled behind, back against the warm cabinet wood, and wrapped his arms around Tooru who felt heavy in his limpness. He pulled Tooru to his chest and rested his chin on his firm shoulder.

“What’s wrong?”

“I— I don’t know. I just…” Tooru tried and then sighed. With a new breath came a new attempt, “After you came to bed I just… stopped feeling good.”

Tobio thought back to when he climbed onto the mattress and offered only a quick peck and a “goodnight” before he fell asleep. He absently grasped Tooru’s hand and massaged it, “Did I do something?”

“No.” Tooru leaned into him more. “I think it’s just one of those days— nights.”

Tobio didn’t know what to say, he hardly ever found the right words to say in any situation. He debated for a moment and decided on nothing when Tooru threw some words into their silence.

“Sometimes I think I’ve cleaned out every bit of my being and yet I always come back to the same place.”

“What?” Tobio asked.

“I just…” Tooru tried. “That’s… how I feel, sort of.”

Tobio looked up at the time on the oven: 3:27. He nodded into Tooru’s shoulder, “Okay. That’s okay. Do you want me to stay here with you for a while?”

“Please.”

“Okay,” Tobio mumbled tiredly.

Tooru stared at Tobio’s hand. Taking in the way the muscles contracted and pulled and pushed around the bones. He liked Tobio’s hands.

They settled into a softer silence and felt each other’s presence, took in each other’s weight.

Tooru went back to staring on the outlet. Without his glasses it looked like nothing more than a white rectangle on the wall but he could focus on it for visual grip. Tobio’s arms and weight grounded him bodily, dulling the buzzing in his limbs.

He always ended up at the same place with the same feelings. Moments where he lay his soul completely open to scrub and launder and clean out the dust and rust and grime only for it to need cleaning soon after. Time felt distant in those moments, more arbitrary than usual and gave him an unbearable weightlessness to deal with. He often tried to ground himself by combing through his memories immortalized in celluloid, tasting them with his fingers or feeling jagged moments with his tongue.

A lot of the time he then has to hike his way back. Sometimes Tobio comes and joins him.

An indeterminate amount of time crawled by before Tooru noticed that Tobio stopped rubbing circles into his palm and that his jaw was moving on his shoulder. A tell tale sign Tobio fell asleep and started grinding his teeth. He smiled. He needed to carry him to bed soon and somehow force Tobio’s mouth open to put in his night guard. But with warm arms around his waist and soft hair brushing against his neck, Tooru thought that it would be okay to stay there for a bit longer.

**Author's Note:**

> i sort of reference a book in here, it's called "the unbearable lightness of being" by milan kundera. it's themes always struck me as relevant to oikawa and kageyama, i highly recommend it.  
> also partially inspired by "annabelle" by young hunting, specifically the verse "shouldn't you be home by now"  
> thank you for reading and happy new year <3 best of luck to all of you  
> you can find me on twitter [@umchickwen](https://twitter.com/umchickwen)


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